THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-FOUR
Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me…
I truly can’t believe I’ve kept up a blog for an entire year. My long-term projects always tend to die out somewhere around one hundred days, so this is a major accomplishment. True, some days weren’t incredibly exciting, no more than a few words, but documenting them here has still happened. It almost seems surreal that a year ago, I was just starting this, wondering if I could get all the way through. Looks like I have.
Today started early with a trip to the doctor, the annual physical. I’ve lost a substantial amount of weight since last year, and have essentially remained healthier as well (read: I had fewer visits to the ER and not as many stitches or casts). Yes, my eating has gone further to shit, and I still have many nasty tendencies, but overall, I’m healthier. Happier, too.
Mom and I got bagels and coffee and did some grocery shopping. I was mildly thrilled by the fact that, if I so desired, I could waste my money on overpriced cancer sticks, pornography that I could just as easily get for free on the internet, and tattoos I’d regret in ten years. I did buy a fake tat for fifty cents in a little machine outside of the grocery store, and used it later on to scare the piss out of my father. He has a thing against any sort of “body art;” let’s just say that he didn’t speak to me for a few hours tonight while he thought it was real.
When home, Novio came by and gave me a gorgeous pair of earrings (“I know you don’t wear red and yellow a lot, but I’m positive they’ll look amazing on you. Anything does.”) and we curled up on the couch to watch Due Date and chill. It’s incredible, at least to me, what this boy means. After three days straight with most people, one on one, I would loathe them. It isn’t a personal thing; I’m just not cut out for long periods of time with an individual due to my short attention span and slight lack of patience. Novio is different. I still love him just as much, if not more, and am perfectly happy to do anything from napping to holding hands to kissing to…well, you get the idea. It is absolutely going to kill me to leave him in a few months. I don’t even want to think of that now. People are truly impressed by the two of us, and when I think about it, we’ve been on and off for almost a year now, about ten months. Technically we weren’t “together” until May of last year, but for a few months preceding that, we spent a lot of time with one another. Funny how these things work out. I’m glad we’ve been where we have in this last year, though; there’s not a single moment that I regret.
My birthday cake was covered in lottery tickets, on which I won $12. Not bad for my first haul…I’ll be cashing them in in the morning on my way to babysit. I’ve got a new load of college swag, wind-up toy robots, colored bubbles, and candy. How great is that? Thank you, family.
I feel that, in this last year, I have changed a great deal. I know better where friendships and relationships lie. I have accepted more, challenged more, and reached out more than ever before. I took chances that helped and hurt. I’m much more mature now, having learned a lot about responsibility, being more of an adult, looking at the future, and all of that jazz. It isn’t always fun, and sometimes it downright sucks. That’s life, though. You take the good with the bad, and wait for the sunshine again. It always comes back, and if it doesn’t look like it’s coming soon enough for you, start searching out where it is. You’ll find it.
We’re really only little dots in an enormous world at the end of the day. Think about it too much and you’ll give yourself a headache, but it’s great for putting thigns into perspective. What seems like the end of everything isn’t always that bad, yet tiny triumphs somehow seem even larger when put into this grand scheme. I don’t know how, but I don’t think I really want to. It’s kind of a beautiful mystery, life, and I don’t believe that anyone will ever entirely figure it out. Who knows, though? For now, I say we keep living one day at a time. They add up fast, and before you realize it, an entire year is gone, memories made, moments swept away. It’s bittersweet for sure, but if you can smile in the end, that’s what’s truly important.
